Found this old note I made to myself on December 12, 2007:
I learn daily that I must have faith in the Lord. In the mornings I must have faith to trust that everything He does that day is for the better. During work I must have faith that the barrage he puts into my life and the difficulties and problems he faces me with are to strengthen me. When praying I have faith that He will answer my prayers. I also have faith that when he says no, or doesn’t answer my prayers in the way I want, that what He did answer them with is for His better and perfect will. Sometimes the Lord closes doors that I want to go through, I have faith that the reason He shut the door to those things that He did it for a good reason, whether to keep me from danger or sin or it just isn’t part of His will. On the flip-side when the Lord opens doors I don’t always want to go through, I need to have faith that the end result is for the better. Nobody knows what God’s will is, but whatever it is we must follow it, for in the end we will be rewarded for following it. Sometimes it might seem like nothing good could come of some situation, or something is just so bad that God could never use the situation for your advantage. But God’s will is not always what’s better now, the Lord plans ahead, he looks down on us and knows everything that has happened, will happen, and is happening. By faith we must trust that the outcome, however bad or good, is being used for someone’s better. We need to have faith that God’s will is best, and we must pray, meditate on the Word, and spend time with God. But we must do more than just that, we need to prepare for whatever He may have for us. God’s plan is always in motion and there is always something God wants us to do.
Sometimes my own thoughts from so long ago, speak to me right now. I am not sure what God has planned, and I never will be. God likes surprises, and His are usually the best in my experience.
These past few weeks have brought me down very low; humbling, crushing… And yet, even with this constant feeling of desperation, there is a glimmer of hope. Even at night, there are stars that shed a little light. I cling to those sparkling points of hope; hoping, against all odds, for the impossible.
Prayer, meditation on God’s word, living today for Christ, and not worrying about tomorrow; that’s what I need to do now. I don’t know where I’m headed, but there’s always hope. I’m patiently waiting; for how long, I know not… But how long doesn’t really matter. Some things are worth waiting your whole life for… And, perhaps “waiting” may not be the right term; “look forward to”, or “anticipate” might better reflect the idea. It is an active patience; an action today that anticipates tomorrow, preparation.
Seek Christ, live out that life. Live every moment, in that moment. Look around and live the day for those around you; every moment was meant to be shared with someone else. Focus on others, and live for Christ; and you’ll find the north star, to guide you tonight.